Factors That Affect a Child’s Adjustment to Divorce

As difficult as a divorce may be for the people involved, there is no denying that if there are children involved in these situations, they will be affected as well. For some children who have to live through a parental divorce, it is a very difficult and trying time in their life but other children are not as severely affected. These differences may be due the different factors that affect how a child adjusts to divorce which are: 

• Severity of Conflict: If there is constant fighting and arguing in front of a child, this child is more likely to have a hard time dealing with divorce. Many times parents make their child feel like they are stuck in the middle and try to take sides. None of this helps.  It is better if parents try to keep their fighting away from the child and not involve them.
• Parents’ adjustment: The way that a child’s parents are themselves dealing with and adjusting to the divorce will influence how that child adjusts to the divorce as well. If parents are having a hard time dealing with the divorce and seem to have a hostile outlook, their children will most likely pick up on that attitude as well. Children look to their parents for ways in which they should react. If parents are too busy fighting with each other instead of trying to build their relationship with their children and build stability in their home, the child may end up confused.
• Information the child knows about the divorce: It is important that the child is not completely in the dark about the divorce but it’s also important that they not be aware of confusing, negative information. If they are living through this divorce with their parents, they should know what is going on but not know too much. Depending on the child’s age, they may not be able to comprehend all aspects of the divorce. In order to not confuse them, it is better to only provide them with the most important information such as how it may affect them and their living situation. If children are getting no information about what is going on, it is likely they may begin to make assumptions and could perhaps start to blame themselves.
• Level of Social Support: Having people around them to talk to and help through such a difficult time is very important to children dealing with divorce. Parents should encourage that the child remains close with both sides of the family. It may be difficult for parents to help their child as they are dealing with stress of their own but it is important that they still try to find time to provide emotional support for their children.

       If a parent sees that their child continues to struggle with the effects of divorce, seeking therapy may be helpful. A therapist will be able to help the child work through their emotions and feelings about the divorce.

By: Stephanie Lopez

Source:  http://www.extension.purdue.edu/providerparent/family-child%20relationships/EffectDivorce.htm

Breaking Bad Habits: A Psychological Viewpoint

By Kellie McClain

                Preventing the occurrence of unwanted habits and behaviors can pose as extremely stressful and frustrating, especially if the habit is deeply embedded into an individual’s routine. The main problem that those with bad habits experience when attempting to prevent the behavior is discouragement due to increase resistance. Most often, someone will take action toward preventing the behavior and make substantial progress, but once prevention reaches its peak difficulty, that individual then gives up and loses any progress that was made.

                Tackling this issue from a psychological perspective could help individuals understand how the process of habit breaking works, which will give them more knowledge and motivation when encountering difficulties.  From a psychological view, habit forming occurs under a learning process knowing as conditioning. An individual learns to perform a specific behavior based on the rewards that are received by that behavior. These rewards then make the behavior stronger and turn it into a habit. These habits can only be broken through extinction, which is the process through which a conditioned response decreases or is eliminated completely.

                Through the process of extinction, one will experience increased frustration and difficulty with preventing the behavior. At the peak of this frustration, extinction bursts, which are known as explosions of unwanted behavior, are often displayed by the individual. It is at this point that many individuals get discouraged and give up. However extinction bursts are often followed by complete extinction of the behavior, which means the habit has been successfully broken.

                The take home message for breaking bad habits is to keep in mind the mental process that occur during extinction and to have faith that this process will lead to eventual success. Next time you are trying to rid of an unwanted habit and encourage significant difficulty and frustration, remember that this only means that you are getting closer to reaching your goal.

SOURCE: http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201311/putting-thoughts-action/bursting-through-bad-habits

Teenage Violence; Raising Awareness for Teen Dating Violence

By Kellie McClain

                Conversations about strangers, bullying, drug use, and sex are commonly had between a teenager and their parent or guardian because a majority of parents know how important it is to discuss these topics. What most often is overlooked, however, is dating violence among teens. Parents of teenagers are normally shocked to hear that one in three teens have been victims of dating violence or have been affected by abusive relationships. What is most unfortunate is that this information is all too often not discovered until after their teen experiences such violent abuse and harrowing effects. Violence occurring in teenage romantic relationship is a topic that unfortunately most individuals are not fully aware of, especially in terms of its severity and frequency.

                Teen dating violence has become an unheard and unspoken epidemic that can occur right in front of parents. It often continues to go un-intervened if the parent lacks awareness. Teens are unlikely stop the abusive situation themselves since most teens are not educated enough on the topic to take the situation seriously. The most common flaw in the __ about teenage dating violence is that the victim is to blame. This was the condition in the recent polls and presentations performed by the Boston Public Health Commission. If teens continue to retain this view, they will be less likely to report abuse, seek help from others, or take any action themselves to prevent further violence. In addition, teenagers are in stages of development in which they do not have a concrete sense of self and, therefore, do not have a good grasp on what create and define a healthy relationship. Parents are also guilty of flawed viewpoints on abusive relationships, often excusing excessive control as “puppy love” and failing to see the severity of the situation.

                If susceptible individuals wish to see any change in these statistics, it is crucial that parents and teens become conscious and fully knowledgeable about the root causes of teen dating violence and how to manage and prevent it. This lack of awareness must be addressed at multiple levels including school districts, parents, and peers through focus groups, school presentations, pediatric screenings, media coverage, the spread of “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.” This month dedicated to awareness of teen dating violence was recently passed by congress and can be implemented along with other strategies exhibited by activists groups as well as by citizens at the local and individual level. Since these acts of violence occur most commonly with those who the victim knows, it is essential that teens be aware of the warning signs of abuse and feel comfortable with reaching out to those they trust.

SOURCE: http://www.apa.org/monitor/2010/03/epidemic.aspx

Deindividuation: Masking Mischief on Halloween

http://www.fondecrans.be/fond/halloween/halloween003.jpg

As it is said, there is strength in numbers. Those who find themselves in a group hold more power than if they were alone. Mischief designates itself to one night a year in the United States. That night, commonly, is adjacent with the candy grubbing, mystical holiday known as Halloween. Why is "mischief night" affiliated with Halloween? Why not Easter? Or Columbus Day? According to Ed Diener and his application of de-individuation, Halloween offers us the opportunity to shake free of our identity, an identity that keeps us responsible for our actions.

De-individuation means exactly what it sounds like: "de-individual." The reason late October may be a more susceptible time for mischief to ensue or for childish vandalism to occur is because of this loss of individualism. As Diener says, putting on a mask, fitting into a costume, or even pulling your hood up all contribute to your loss of identity, which in turn contributes to your uninhibited, or mischievous, behavior. A mere costume leads to an often unconscious "loss of self-observation and self evaluation, with a lowered concern for social evaluation." This idea makes one "indistinguishable" from the environment and therefore more inclined to act out of moral character. 

Halloween also feeds de-individuation through its group dynamic: children and adolescents celebrate Halloween in groups. Those who are out and about on October 31st are most likely in a group, a group that shares the aim of de-individualizing. As Diener also points out, being in a group increases one's likeliness to engage in uninhibited behavior because of the anonymity one holds while in a group. This "mob mentality," where one unconsciously frees themselves from moral responsibility within a group, is supported further by Halloween. This allows even more "mischief."   

http://dorianocarta.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pumkin_4_mischief_night_529682120.jpg

Diener's 1970's experiment is the root of these claims. Twenty-seven houses were selected as deceptive laboratories on Halloween in order to observe children and their morality in relation to individuation and group settings. The researchers formed categories of "children subjects" depending on if children were in a group or alone and if they were asked their names at the door or kept anonymous. The adult that would answer the door would greet the trick-or-treaters and ask them to take only one piece of candy. The adult would then walk back into the house, leaving the children alone with this sugar-fueled moral dilemma. Should we obey and take only one piece? Or should I take a handful and run?

The results showed that the four different categories of children differed, depending on if their identity was revealed and if they were in a group. The category least likely to commit this Halloween sin was the children who arrived at the house by themselves and were then asked their name. This enhances the child's individualism to the adult, not only by giving his or her name, but by eliminating all other possible culprits he could theoretically hide behind. The category most likely, at about 60%, to cheat the Halloween system and take more candy against the adult's will was the children who were in a group and were not asked their name. More than half the time, with their identities protected through anonymity and group mentality, children acted uninhibited and broke the rules. 

Individuality grants us responsibility, which is valuable in most instances, but not when you're up to no good. Group mischief provokes and protects, a harmful combination. 

-Ryan Scanlon


Works Used:

http://proteus.brown.edu/13things/7452

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/02/10/deindividuation/
(also a book ^^^)

Help Your Child Become a Better Person

By Pamela O'Connor

Every parent wants to give their child the best life possible. They want to give them the life they didn't get to have; they want to give them better opportunities and more successful futures. Every child should be given the chance to have success; unfortunately, when they become privileged they often feel too entitled to stay grounded. They often become smug, demanding, self-centered and believe the world really revolves around them and their desires. There are principles to help keep privileged kids from turning into “spoiled brats” while still giving them the tools they need to succeed.

                  The first principle is to model the behavior you want to see in your children. Kids learn from example and imitate what they see. In order to raise effective adults, you must continuously play the role you want your child to emulate. You do not want them to act like entitled brats that can get anything they want without working for it, so you must not act that way either. As we all know, actions speak louder than words so working hard, doing kind deeds and treating others with compassion will help your child to realize that these are the qualities that they need to exhibit of a mature, responsible adult.

                It is also an important principle to teach your children that everyone needs to be given equal opportunities. No one has the right to believe that they are better than anyone else. People may have different talents or abilities, but that does not make them a better person or someone who deserves more. Financial and educational status should not be a matter of judgment, and teaching your children to treat everyone fairly should be enforced very early on. You must remain loving, but correct your child if they seem to believe they are better than others based on their background.

                Spending time volunteering, and helping people less fortunate is another principle that can help to keep your child grounded and appreciate the opportunities he or she has been given. People who have experienced helping others more often tend to develop compassion, appreciation for life’s opportunities, learn the value of hard work, improve their interpersonal relationships and learn to get along better with others. It is important to help others gain equal opportunities by coming together and helping one another. All three of these principles will hopefully help prevent children who are privileged from becoming narcissistic and entitled as they grow up.

Reference: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/do-the-right-thing/201310/three-principles-keep-privileged-kids-becoming-jerks

Ways to boost your creativity

www.entrepreneurhearts.com

To label yourself an "uncreative" type is a cop out. As my professor would say, "We can all run, can't we? It doesn't mean we are all Olympic athletes." Every single person has some creative potential, some just seem to harness is better than others. What separates an average Joe brain from a Michelangelo brain? Not much, at first. Michelangelo probably just practiced, and practiced, and practiced. This interesting article at hongkiat.com talks about how, we too, can get started on practicing.

Jordan Driediger is the CEO of his original company, DM2 Studios, which is designed to help support the creativity and inspiration of others. Driediger is the one to credit for these 7 tips to help strengthen your creative juices.

1) Find Your Source
            This refers to your "outlet." What are your interests? What gets you excited? Being stuck in a profession/field of study that doesn't inspire you on a day to day basis certainly can hinder your creative output. Finding what you like requires an open mind because you never know what you like until you try. Examples: musical expression; literary expression; creative problem solving; visual art

2) Surround Yourself With Excellence
            Once you find your source, read up on it. Research and learn to appreciate the pioneers in that field. Become consumed. Agree with some, disagree with others. Study their process and methods, extract what you like and use your own. Examples: an interest in modern art (source) would lead to research and the appreciation of Jackson Pollock and the "drip and drop" method, use this method to generate your own expression; an interest in satirical literature (source) would lead to research and the appreciation for 20th century author Kurt Vonnegut.

3) Just Create
            The hardest part of any creative process is starting it. While some inspirations are sudden and spontaneous and others are intricate and thought out, taking that first step is the most important part. According to Driediger, the process can be a test of resiliency. Many historic minds had many, many attempts and failures before reaching their desired product. Examples: free association writing; doodling

4) Cross Creative Borders
            Many approaches to creativity may overlap each other. Using principles in one discipline may enlighten you to use them in another discipline. These connections, in themselves, are an indicator of your creativity. Examples: implementing the structure of the military when raising a family; using sports and team building metaphors in the business world.

5) Limit Amusement
            A very interesting fact addressed by Driediger:

"Your creative source is known as your "muse". This is an ancient Greek word meaning to be absorbed in thought or inspired. Amusement is the absence of thought or inspiration."

Things that satisfy us on a superficial level (T.V., video games) allow us to be passive. We are not actively engaging our creative process and we can foolishly allow these activities to replace our imagination. Driediger is not condemning all electronic stimulation, but a limited moderation is suggested. Use television occasionally to help expand your mind, but dependence, of course, is unhealthy. This is not to say being creative is all work and no play. Driediger implores you to seek mediums that not only enhance your creativity, but also entertain you. Examples: books on tape; documentaries 

6) Take Care of Yourself
            A very underrated factor that plays an important role in creative production is health, both mental and physical. Chronic ideas that linger throughout the day are said to be damaging to your creative spirit. The best inspiration process often occurs with strong ideas that are critically thought out within the span of a few hours. Driediger advises, when it comes to creativity, quality is superior to quantity. As for health habits: sleep is always recommended to keep the mind sharp, eating well throughout the day to maintain a stable blood glucose level, and making sure your areas of work are tidy (there is no need to spend extra mental effort in figuring out where you left something).    

7) Ignore the Scoffers
            Ignore is a strong word, but I like where Driediger is coming from. The world is full of haters and doubters. Is it really worth it to weigh each negative response in an attempt to alter your personal creation? Absolutely not. While constructive criticism is valuable, you shouldn't be fearful of expressing yourself and taking chances. The fact of the matter is: all great creative minds had plenty of doubters. Monumental ideas make people uncomfortable, they may challenge people's stable point of views. It is only natural that some will be less receptive than others. Driediger would advise you not to worry. It's cliche, but you should "do you." Don't stress the hate, embrace the hate. It will only benefit you in your process of developing your unique, creative product. 

-Ryan Scanlon


Works Used:
http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/increase-creativity/

Relieve Stress by Lending a Helping Hand

Young people these days seem very skeptical to helping others because they won't get anything in return. But helping others has proven to be beneficial for both sides.  These days there is too much emphasis on material wealth, and many people are becoming very greedy.  Many people do not want to part with their money; instead, they want more and more.  We are becoming a society of consumers.  The American society is filling up with greed and arrogance, and as a result, good deeds are done without sincerity and with a selfish ulterior motive often.  If a person's main motivation for doing a good deed is not to help another person or group, then they will not reap the rewards which come from giving.  If the acts of services are done sincerely, then the improvement of someone’s life will be greater, and that will improve the helpers’ lives as well.

Giving has been described as a miracle drug for health and well-being.  In a study by scientists from the University of North Carolina and UCLA found that participants whose happiness stemmed from consumption had a higher possibility of developing conditions such as diabetes and cancer than those whose happiness came from volunteering and providing services to others.  The hedonic participants also had a more likely chance to die earlier.  All the statistics indicate that helping others make your life better.  People say that you may not make as much money, and it can hold you back, but money is not important if you are not happy, so please do yourself a favor and help others.     

By: Paul Kang

Arista Counseling and Psychiatric Services

New York & New Jersey

212-996-3939    201-368-3700

Reference: 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/how-to-immediately-improv_b_3895912.html