Couples Counseling: Friendly Fighting Can Be Healthy

By Kellie McClain

No two people in the world are exactly the same. Thus, it is inevitable that two individuals in a relationship will encounter differences between each other. Rather than avoiding these encounters and suppressing negative feelings, couple’s therapists have suggested that couples use techniques to face differences in order to elicit healthy and constructive responses and outcomes. This requires the implementation of “friendly fighting”, a term used to describe techniques used in dyadic arguments that help both individuals successfully express themselves without detrimental effects toward the relationship. Below are a few tips couples can use to ensure they are arguing in a respectful and productive way.

1. Embrace disagreements and conflicts: In addition to these instances being inevitable, they may also be healthy in terms of helping you and your partner see what aspects need progression and growth.
2. Attack the problem, not your partner: Disagreeing results in negative consequences when it leads to personal attacks on the individuals involved. Instead, focus your energy and attention on how the argument can be resolved.
3. Be respectfully attuned to the opposing view: Make sure to view every conflict from both perspectives in order to think critically about the underlying issue and how to handle it.
4. Speak softly: Attempting to speak over your partner shows that you only value your point of view, which leads your partner to express themselves similarly. This turns a civilized argument into a screaming match that does not have a positive ending.
5. Ask questions: Asking your partners questions about their point of view shows that you value their opinion and care about their needs. It will help you to get a better grasp on both sides of the issue and learn how to better reach an agreement.
6. Make peace: The most important part of arguments is to make sure the end results does not yield any lingering hard feelings that can build up and cause more severe problems down the road.

SOURCE: http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-rules-for-friendly-fighting-for-couples/0001342?all=1

Couples Counseling: Pre-Marital Counseling Helps Foster Happy, Healthy Marriages

By Kellie McClain

Pre-marital counseling is a healthy way to ensure that a future marital relationship has a strong basis to build off of. At the time of engagement, relationships between the engaged couples are likely to be at a very strong point in their relationship. That may be why many couples, especially those not encouraged by a religious community, do not find it necessary to seek counseling at such a time. 

Regardless of how strong any couples relationship may be, problems and shortcomings between one another will eventually arise. The easiest options may seem to be to dust the issues under the rug, but without directly addressing any relationship pitfalls immediately after they occur, they may build upon each other, creating tension and communication issues that become increasingly difficult to solve. It has been shown that the earlier couple seeks counseling, the more likely they are to overcome any current or impending problems. 

Some therapists claim the reason behind a couple’s reluctance to seek counseling early on in their relationship or marriage is due to fear that exposing problems through counseling will cause further issues to surface and will put the relationship at risk. These concerns, however, are most often counter intuitive. Admitting to and being open about rising issues within a relationship may seem intimidating, but doing so with a professional counselor can be very beneficial and can strengthen the relationship.

SOURCE:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201109/benefits-pre-marital-counseling-successful-marriage

Couples Counseling: Communication 101

By Kellie McClain

The number one reason couples seek counseling is due to problems with communication. Good communication is the basis of every relationship and is especially essential in maintaining long term relationship between intimate couples. Virtually every problem addressed in couples counseling leads back to the root problem of communication issues between the couple.

Since communication takes up a large part of our lives, it is no wonder that we often encourage issues expressing ourselves and interpreting what others are expressing. In order to successfully address these problems, it is essential to understand the basic structure of how communication works. The sender of a particular message will attempt to express a need, thought, or feeling through a coding process for the receiver to obtain. That message is decoded by the receiver into their own personal level of understanding and interpretation. Each time there is an issue with expressing and interpreting information, it is due to an issue with either the sender or receiver or both.

The sender most often experiences issues resulting from an inability to code their message properly in such a way that allows the receiver to easily interpret the correct meaning of the message. Another issue the sender may encounter could be involving the complexity of their own thoughts and feelings and difficulty with their own understanding of those thoughts. The receiver may also cause communication difficulty from decoding the messages inaccurately through inattention, lack of skills, or adding additional, inaccurate meanings. Whether communication difficulties between couples are due to any one of these issues or a combination of them, there are techniques the couple can apply which will result in a healthier, more effective communication. These techniques include:

1. Be aware of your own communication issues and not just the issues of your partner.
2. Choose your words and actions wisely based on the receiver.
3. Double check with your sender when receiving a message to make sure you understand the message correctly

If difficulties in these areas of communication continue, visiting a therapist for couples counseling can be very effective in identifying the core problems and how to correct them.

SOURCE: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201307/basics-communication

Government Shutdown: A Couple's Therapy View

By Kellie McClain

The recent government shutdown continues to have a direct detrimental effect on the citizen's of the United States. This relationship can be seen as very similar to a dysfunctional marital relationship. When two spouses (democrats and republicans) fight, the citizens under their power (the spouses' children) suffer. According to recent reports by Supreme Court Justice Scalia, the government currently has very limited if any communication between parties and has been busy criticizing one another and finger pointing instead of problem solving through a more understanding and appreciative perspective. If the government were to have a session with a couples therapists they would appear to be at risk for divorce. As many people know, this can have harrowing effects on children, or in this case, US citizens.

While political parties continue to bicker they become more and more neglectful of their responsibilities to fill the needs of citizens. Such neglect can lead to certain people being unable to receive paychecks or run their businesses. With our government finding themselves in such harmful situations due to both parties lack of effort and ability to find a happy medium, we hardly seem to be in a strong enough political stance to assist other countries in practicing democracy.

In simple terms, a solution that most couples therapists would give to the quarreling parties would be to handle the situation maturely. Many arguments can be solved if both sides displayed reasoning and understanding. The government must focus not on the importance of their individual standing, but in terms of solving the problem at hand. Government ruling should not be about gaining power, criticizing adversaries, and ignoring opposing opinions. In order for the crisis to be solved and for the US to get back on track the government must carefully analyse both sides of the argument and come to a reasonable agreement for the sake of the citizens.

Good communication is the key to any successful relationship, be it a marriage or the leaders of our country. Communication involves listening as well as expressing yourself. It seems that the democratic and republican parties could benefit from couples counseling or marriage counseling to help them communicate in a healthier, more constructive way.

SOURCE: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201310/marriage-therapists-view-our-dysfunctional-government