Couples Counseling: Communication 101

By Kellie McClain

The number one reason couples seek counseling is due to problems with communication. Good communication is the basis of every relationship and is especially essential in maintaining long term relationship between intimate couples. Virtually every problem addressed in couples counseling leads back to the root problem of communication issues between the couple.

Since communication takes up a large part of our lives, it is no wonder that we often encourage issues expressing ourselves and interpreting what others are expressing. In order to successfully address these problems, it is essential to understand the basic structure of how communication works. The sender of a particular message will attempt to express a need, thought, or feeling through a coding process for the receiver to obtain. That message is decoded by the receiver into their own personal level of understanding and interpretation. Each time there is an issue with expressing and interpreting information, it is due to an issue with either the sender or receiver or both.

The sender most often experiences issues resulting from an inability to code their message properly in such a way that allows the receiver to easily interpret the correct meaning of the message. Another issue the sender may encounter could be involving the complexity of their own thoughts and feelings and difficulty with their own understanding of those thoughts. The receiver may also cause communication difficulty from decoding the messages inaccurately through inattention, lack of skills, or adding additional, inaccurate meanings. Whether communication difficulties between couples are due to any one of these issues or a combination of them, there are techniques the couple can apply which will result in a healthier, more effective communication. These techniques include:

1. Be aware of your own communication issues and not just the issues of your partner.
2. Choose your words and actions wisely based on the receiver.
3. Double check with your sender when receiving a message to make sure you understand the message correctly

If difficulties in these areas of communication continue, visiting a therapist for couples counseling can be very effective in identifying the core problems and how to correct them.

SOURCE: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201307/basics-communication