Couples Counseling: Friendly Fighting Can Be Healthy

By Kellie McClain

No two people in the world are exactly the same. Thus, it is inevitable that two individuals in a relationship will encounter differences between each other. Rather than avoiding these encounters and suppressing negative feelings, couple’s therapists have suggested that couples use techniques to face differences in order to elicit healthy and constructive responses and outcomes. This requires the implementation of “friendly fighting”, a term used to describe techniques used in dyadic arguments that help both individuals successfully express themselves without detrimental effects toward the relationship. Below are a few tips couples can use to ensure they are arguing in a respectful and productive way.

1. Embrace disagreements and conflicts: In addition to these instances being inevitable, they may also be healthy in terms of helping you and your partner see what aspects need progression and growth.
2. Attack the problem, not your partner: Disagreeing results in negative consequences when it leads to personal attacks on the individuals involved. Instead, focus your energy and attention on how the argument can be resolved.
3. Be respectfully attuned to the opposing view: Make sure to view every conflict from both perspectives in order to think critically about the underlying issue and how to handle it.
4. Speak softly: Attempting to speak over your partner shows that you only value your point of view, which leads your partner to express themselves similarly. This turns a civilized argument into a screaming match that does not have a positive ending.
5. Ask questions: Asking your partners questions about their point of view shows that you value their opinion and care about their needs. It will help you to get a better grasp on both sides of the issue and learn how to better reach an agreement.
6. Make peace: The most important part of arguments is to make sure the end results does not yield any lingering hard feelings that can build up and cause more severe problems down the road.

SOURCE: http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-rules-for-friendly-fighting-for-couples/0001342?all=1