Regardless of whether or not people believe on-again, off-again relationships are healthy, it is indisputable that they are common. Professor Rene Dailey found that 60 percent of adults have ended a relationship and then gotten back together. 75 percent of those individuals have even gone through the cycle of breaking up and making up twice. But why would people stay in such a complicated relationship?
Some individuals break up because they know that their relationship doesn't work. However, the loneliness and low self-esteem following a break-up causes them to go back to the relationship. Often times an individual will get attached to a specific aspect of the individual or of the relationship to the point where they overlook negative qualities like irresponsibility or dishonesty. An individual's doubt in positive future relationships or his or her hope of "fixing" the negative traits of the partner may cause them to get back together. Some individuals even believe that a break-up will make their relationship stronger and that their partner will permanently change.
However, specialists believe this is a dangerous cycle. Psychotherapist Toni Coleman warns that underlying conflicts that had caused the break-up will come about once the couples is reunited. Psychiatrist Gail Saltz recommends that couples in an on-again, off-again relationship take time apart to see what draws them in the relationship and to recognize that there is a pattern. Trying to understand one's own thought process and imagining what life would be like with this individual in the future may make the individual consider if this relationship is truly the best for him or her. It's always possible to break the cycle.
References: Svoboda, Elizabeth in Psychology Today
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