Is There a Difference in Being a TARGET or a VICTIM of Bullying?



Bullying has received much more attention in the past few years than ever before. Many people are realizing how important it is to try to stop bullying because of its harmful effects on those who are being constantly bullied. Author, Carl Pickhardt, PhD, wrote a book called “Why Good Kids Act Cruel” where he talks about the different kinds of mistreatment among 9 to 13 year olds. Carl says that there are five types of social mistreatment which include teasing, exclusion, rumoring, ganging up, and of course, bullying. Bullying can be done offline, online and through cell phones nowadays which makes its scope even greater than before.  While all forms of social mistreatment can cause harm to young adolescents, bullying is the most recognized because of how it can affect home life as well as the school environment. Dr. Pickhardt has realized while working with bullied adolescents that the way they see themselves, as a victim or target, creates a difference in how the child is affected. These are the main differences between victim and target:

VICTIM: Those who see themselves as victims many times believe that they are in a way deserving of the treatment they are getting from the bully. They believe that there is something wrong with them which is causing them to be picked on. They usually feel powerless in the situation because they do not believe anything will stop the mistreatment. Because of this belief, they give up and learn, in a way, to accept the bullying. This causes the child to become especially vulnerable as they feel helpless. Also, the victim does not believe that they should tell any adults of their bullying because, like previously mentioned, they believe nothing can be done. If they were to go to an adult, they would feel even more powerless because they were not able to help themselves and are now seeking help. They usually start to believe that nobody at all likes them and everyone is against them which could make a child become isolated. Many times the ones who see themselves as the victim are inclined to punish themselves because of the fact that their apparent personal inadequacies brought on the bullying. We have seen this turn into depression, self-mutilation and suicidal thoughts.

TARGET: Those who see themselves as the target of bullying believe that the bullying is not their fault. They understand that there is nothing wrong with them personally to cause the bullying but that it is a reflection of the bully instead.  The targets know that reaching out to others who may be able to help is essential in dealing with bullies and that isolating yourself is not going to help. Instead of beating themselves up for being mistreated, a target commends themselves for remaining strong while dealing with adversary. One of the most important things the target does is to remember that they have choices in their situation. They know that they are not powerless and that they are able to speak up and do something about the bullying even though previous attempts might not have worked. They recognize their support system in their parents, teachers, other peers and school administrators and will use them.

- By: Stephanie Lopez

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201309/being-target-or-victim-adolescent-bullying

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